Existential Thoughts

I was chuckling recently at one of the headlines that I came across: Apparantly Tylenol, in addition to easing your headaches, can help you cope with existential anxiety and angst. Who knew! This, and a good dosage of some music by my favorite existential Christian group, helped encourage me to jot down a few of my recent existential thoughts. You know, sometimes you just have agnostic days. Brace yourself, it's some murky water down there.

Is it possible for a person to experience God's goodness directly, at least before death?

Are "born again" or other mystical/contemplative/ecstatic experiences essential for demonstration of faith?

Does romantic love have any meaning outside of biological impulses and evolutionary programming?

Is social justice ever sustainable, or ultimately effective?

Are there any clear criteria for salvation through Christ?

Is suffering inevitable, no matter our efforts? If so, does it have meaning outside of a purely abstract framework?

I can say I do not have the answers. Ultimately, I don't think these meaningful questions have meaningful answers. In this regard I find myself an existentialist, questioning the larger meaning of the cosmos and universe. At least with regards to our human experience, alienation and confusion are as much of the picture as are reason and clarity. This is why conflicts between empirical science and religion are so common; we are fundamentally handicapped in our ability to live in a non-dual mindset. We experience our flesh as evil, and the supernatural as good. Yet we cling to solid rules of holiness and relational strictness (namely, in our marriage contracts and expectations of gender roles). This double standard gives me just reason to question the meaning of such clear distinctions.

I do believe, in response to some flak I'm likely to get when asking these questions, that they are worth pursuing. Even if my short experience has led me into some muddy (and often painful) waters, the Christian life is experienced if not experimented-in in many of these areas. I believe that we should pursue evangelism in a myriad of ways and approaches. I believe that romantic love should be pursued passionately and adventurously, even at the expense of mistakes and pain. I believe that social justice is an essential mark of our calling as God's people, even if the poor will always be among us, as our Lord says.

What I question seem to be the rigid lines that we draw around our human experiences. With the rise of postmodernism and a creeping overlap between existential philosophy and our Christian language, we are right to question the dogmatic descriptions of the Christian experience. We need to leave room for suffering, doubt, and mystery. I don't think many people have a problem with that statement. What I think we need to embrace is the fact that some of these questions can never be answered, and thus may have no ultimate meaning in the grand scheme of things. If this is so, and much of our experience is rendered meaningless, I side with the great existential novelist and writer Albert Camus, and argue that it is our responsibility to revolt against these imposed restrictions and transcend the conditions of our limited existence insofar as we can combine and cooperate to pursue humanity's dignity. So much of the universe is not skewed one way or another. In fact, the devil may work in specific and highly subjective ways. This is why at the universal level, there is only "benign indifference", as Camus would say.

And I am okay facing that.

What about you? What questions rattle around your head in the sacred silence?