Echoes and Moments

This year was a pretty good one for music, so far as I've noticed. While well known media outlets like NPR and Paste have published lists of their favorite albums, and as I await lists from other prominent sources , I've collected my top ten albums after a careful accumulation of music from a variety of sources. Yes, I discovered some of these artists as a breath of fresh air, new sonic territories carving paths into territory yet uncharted. Others I appreciate for their lyricism, or the particular nuances of emotion that an artist can convey through their voice, tone, and timbre. Some are new offerings from old favorites. You'll notice I don't organize the music apart from the entire work. I could make a list of songs, singles, or even new artists that I've enjoyed this year. But I am a firm believer in the album format, and despite my love of creating mixtapes to travel with me in my pickup, it is still the medium that most comprehensively captures the essen

This Sunday ushered in a new liturgical year, where the Church gathers to await the celebration of the coming King with the season of Advent. We call this season "advent" from the Latin adventus , meaning "coming." It is a time to await the Nativity of the Lord, a celebration usually called Christmas here in the West, but also the watch in hope and longing for his second coming. In my tradition this is a season of taking stock, of penance, giving, and reflection. We have the chance to address our need for the Savior, and, as the days shorten and darkness creeps into the corners of our existence, we tend to the flicker of hope that dawns within us. In this time we may see familiar symbols to serve as guideposts along the journey: advent wreaths, candles, special music, and the muted colors of purple and blue to adorn our altars and vestments. For me it is the encroaching darkness and cold that offers the most stark reminder of the season's offerings. Philee

I work for an organization that allows us to take monthly retreat days. These are spaces where we are reminded that we are not in control of our own destiny, where surrender to God and his purposes overcomes our instinctive desires to micromanage ourselves out of equilibrium. It is this type of experience that we need regularly. Rather than counting on some sort of mystical experience or transcendent period of prayer, retreat days are like exercise: they allow us to remain healthy and prevent burnout. Still, within our yearly rhythms we need more than a single day to reflect and unwind. Vacations and holidays enable us to escape the routine of work and the demands of our vocations, but they are distinct from a retreat. That’s why I’ve established a yearly discipline of taking a weeklong retreat in some sort of separated space. My last extended retreat was during a period of deep discernment where I was questioning my future in campus ministry. I was bringing many questions i

Today, in honor of Saint Francis' feast day, I woke up and listened to one of my favorite bands. Since Saturday happens to be my natural Sabbath (that is, when I'm not away on weekends ministering at a student conference or traveling otherwise), it's a must to be able to listen to some good tunes. Although I'd otherwise love to wax poetic about my new favorite Canadian indie, soul cuts, or rock-en-español, today is a day to honor the sacred. I've written about Jars of Clay before, that breakout band of the mid 90's that gave us such popular titles as " Flood " and " Love Song for a Savior ." It's their reflective, raw, and unflinching way Dan Hastletine's lyrics convey the Christian walk that attracts me to them. Today, I'm drawn to a lesser title on their eponymous debut album called "He." The lyrics deal in characteristic fashion of the complexities of faith in a broken world: Don't try to reach me, I'm a

When the waves rush in and I cannot take the fall that Once broke through feeble bricks and Nearly left me slain, fallen Subject to a torrent of temptation, And wracked with guilt a hundred times. When that storm hits, you see I brace myself for another Gust of grace, that furious force That allows me to stand and See a new horizon, with lines Drawn anew in the morning. I am weak to withstand a new Onslaught of love, that wondrous Energy that fuels my heart, its Tendrils trailing from infinite skies, Passed beyond eons of knowledge: Yes, enough to get me past the pain. So I yield anew to this day, Wondering when you'll come again And confident of new flames Kindled in depths once unspeakable Once open pits of despair now that Great cavern of hope that wells within.

This week the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson has grabbed my attention. Aside from hashtags, news reports of looting and violence, and a flurry of media attention, the death of 18 year old Michael Brown is a tragedy that should have been avoided, and reminds us of our country's deeply troubling racial and ethnic divides. On Sunday, I gathered with a group of concerned representatives from Fresno's local church to stand in solidarity with Ferguson, holding our hands up in honor of Brown's final stand as he was gunned down in the street. I stood with black, brown, and Asian sisters and brothers because it is not okay that these things happen in this country. I stood with them to remind our city that we face the same challenges as Ferguson and much of the rest of the country. Our racial wounds are ripped open afresh. I would rather draw attention to the voices of other people of color rather than continue with my own thoughts of the tragedy. One of my favorites is a challe

There's nothing like some ancient theology to anchor your latest music project. With the help of Kickstarter, singer-songwriter Audrey Assad has put together a collection of eleven songs that deal with the wounded soul of humanity's grasping for the divine, grappling with redemption, death, and resurrection alike. Her fundraising campaign lasted a mere fifty hours and ended well beyond the target goal, allowing Assad to release the album free of the creative interference of a major record label, CCM or not. Although independent projects can be hit or miss, her effort has delivered on Assad's formidable songwriting chops and ear for melody. The album begins with the meditative droning of an organ filtered through a Leslie speaker, that classic tone captured surprisingly well where other Lo-Fi recordings would render the sound mawkish. The title track speaks of that paradoxical joy that comes from the redemption we experience as the result of Adam's original sin. Th

Fresno's Fulton Mall, at the heart of its downtown core's revitalization efforts This upcoming year I'll be stepping into a new role in ministry I've been preparing for for several months. I'll be the Assistant Director of FIFUL's Pink House , an intentional  community that prepares young men and women to empower their communities in urban ministry, engaging the inner city through the lens of leadership development. My only experience in inner city ministry thus far has been through the Fresno Urban Internship, better known in shorthand as FUI , a six-week intensive inner city immersion where community, service, and leadership development combine in a unique and powerful way. As I write this, I reflect on the last six weeks, which I spent as a staff for the project in the heart of Fresno, a city of half a million with some of the nation's highest concentrations of poverty. There are some distinctions between the two programs. FUI is six weeks during

It's no secret: I'm a lover of all things R&B, neo-soul, and classic funk. While I'm not locked in my room jamming to old cuts from Parliament and Funkadelic (yes, Eddie Hazel is a terribly underrated axeman), chances are I'm spinning the latest from John Legend, Alicia Keys, or other greats of the genre. Today seems like an apt occasion to reflect on some of the music that keeps the heat out, or at least that makes the sweating and swamp-cooled air worth it. Yep, that house is pink. This summer is a special one because I'm serving as a staff worker for an intentional urban ministry program here in Fresno. I've even relocated from my colleagues' apartment to the appropriately named "Pink House" downtown. Now I'm walking distance from the popular pub where I can watch the World Cup with a good brew and some friends, but more importantly, I'm situated in the midst of the city's most vulnerable neighborhoods. As I learn more

On a recent weekend trip back to my hometown of Roseville, near Sacramento, I marked an important milestone on my literary checklist. I completed Tolkien's epic Lord of the Rings  for the second time. By the time I closed the pages of the well-worn and dog-eared copy of The Return of the King , I felt like I had parted company with a group of close friends. Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin are the soul of the story. Though most of the story sees them traversing different parts of Middle Earth and facing different conflicts with the supreme power of the Dark Lord Sauron, ultimately they lie at the core of what makes the story great. The last time I read through the series I was scarcely out of sixth grade, acquainted with the fantasy genre through Tolkien's friend C.S. Lewis, who led me alongside the Pevensie children through the enchanted realm of Narnia and beyond. Lewis placed the seed, while Tolkien watered and ultimately brought it to maturity within me. I'm surprise

Pope Francis is a popular guy these days. Apart from being named Time's Person of the Year , he's led the charge on presenting a fresh face for the Catholic church in the twenty-first century. Unlike the mild-mannered theologian-turned-pontiff that preceded him, Pope Benedict XVI, Francis has made engaging the culture around him a priority. He's been caught washing the feet of women, embracing the sick, and addressing the priority of the church as "for the poor, to the poor." In a major interview published in the Jesuit magazine America, he likened the role of the church to a field hospital, unafraid to get its hands dirty in the struggle for truth and justice. His Jesuit roots show in his flair for simplicity and concern for issues of justice. His pastoral career shows in his efforts to reform what he calls a "self-referenced" Curia largely in need of change. Today, he embraces his role as Pope to unify the church further and heal rifts between man

Composed on Good Friday, 2014. It's dark, so dark and My eyes grow heavy, lidded Like iron from shackles and fetters Those that you break to make men whole. Multiplying loaves, you asked us if we understood you and we stared ahead into the depth of the unknown And seeing, we did not perceive. Now tonight you ask of us Just to watch with you a little longer To utter prayers to the Father you call and we seem to have forgotten. Hark! They come in the night With clubs and chains to bind you Though we know you have power over wind and waves, not so now. No, a simple kiss, planted on lips That open the eyes of the blind, That speak to cast out demons, Now mute to the hatred of men. My sword I reach, and I see Your stare disarms me, the weapon Is of no use here, you must face The blows of hard hearts without it. Alone you go, for we turn Away and watch their arms wrap you up Forsaking years of following your lead And weeping nakedly, we run.

From "With Bound Hands," by Alfred Delp, SJ, a German Jesuit hanged by the Nazi regime in 1945. One thing is becoming gradually clear - I must surrender myself completely. This is seedtime, not harvest. God sows the seed and some time or other he will do the reaping. The one thing I must do is to make sure the seed falls on fertile ground. And I must arm myself against the pain and depression that sometimes almost defeat me. If this is the way God has chosen - and everything indicates that it is - then I must willingly and without rancor make it my way. May others at some future time find it possible to have a better and happier life because we died in this hour of trial.

The past two weeks held a flurry of ministry activity. They left me in such a state of exhaustion that I felt it necessary to hike through eight miles of secluded country under the shadow of the lofty Sierra Nevada. I did this to unwind; I did this to refocus. But I also did this to have a frank conversation with God. Specifically, I found myself asking him, "Was all that worth it?" You see, our two weeks of outreach had a twofold goal: one, increase the number of students actively participating in our fellowship, since we've noticed a significant decline in numbers from last semester. Two, we wanted to see students make decisions of faith, both fulfilling our original purpose to pursue mission on campus, as well as to grow our own faith as we stepped outside of our comfort zones to share the good news of Jesus with others. We thought up a wonderfully creative way to engage the campus in conversation. We allowed participants to write down their secrets, those close-ke

Don't  Surrender  Your loneliness so quickly,  Let it cut more  Deep.  Let it ferment and season you  As few human  Or even divine ingredients can.  Something missing in my heart tonight  Has made my eyes so soft,  My voice so  Tender,  My need of God  Absolutely  Clear. -Sufi Master Hafiz

My Heart Breaks for you, Daughter of long sunsets I let so many of you down, Tears falling from eyes that I failed to tell Were so precious in sight not mine My heart Yearns for truth And lips with speech unleashed Passion to captivate a kindred near Our sight restored to horizons wide Unfailing in its courageous breadth My heart Streaked with spilled blood Poured out from crosses carried daily And lifted from night unto night Whispering words from the wounds I failed to let Love carry My heart Loves to love Heals each time you call And breaks each time we fall Bears new scars from ages gone by And dreams for a dawn's golden sky

This past week I turned 25. My distance from the joyous days of college can create some dissonance in me, especially given the fractured nature of community, the difficulty of finding new friends post college, and the tension I live in as a resident in a new city. Yet I find it helpful to reflect upon a few things that make simply being alive beautiful and worthwhile. I recently moved to the city of Fresno to pursue new ministry opportunities serving the students at Fresno City College, a large urban commuter campus with a demographic makeup as diverse and beautiful as the city it draws its student population from. The student community I've found is incredibly loving, supportive, and even helped provide transportation when my beloved pickup Guillermo was in the shop for repairs. Additionally, they are for the most part committed to the apostolic vision of InterVarsity, which means we seek God's transformation of students, faculty, and the campus. Although campus ministry

I awoke with fires in my head; They fanned out with a quickening spark, That inspiration found in the quiet nights And lonely highways where my mind Wandered, and we held onto fading thoughts. No, they were not the kind to shake me gently Or care to dance me into day's light Rather, thoughts burned screaming To be released and washed into an ocean Of noise that the world already had room for. Why does this dream haunt me so? Is there a return yield on investment That I was unaware I sowed into, Long prayers uttered in the darkest hours And awakening ancient rhythms to my lips? A party, some say at times: Others, simply voices Making the mind bend to allow for things That only seeded fear would shake That someday will collapse into canyons of memory. One voice rests quietly within Stillness seeping down into the cracks Where the fires once blazed violently The balm to soothe this weary mind-- The voice gives life where life once left. Yes, it is the fli

Many people in my generation  were introduced to pop philosophy through the words of the cloaked future warrior Morpheus, played with concise elegance by one Laurence Fishburne in The Matrix trilogy. Although some dismiss the movies for their shoddy treatment of philosophical and religious themes, I've always been a fan for the pure amount of adrenaline that the series creates as Morpheus guides the hacker turned hero Neo to claim his identity as 'the one.' The series pits humanity against a race of machines that desires nothing but control through a programmed dream world. Neo awakens from this dream to a nightmarish reality where humans "are no longer born, but grown" in vast fields of embryonic chambers. He is trained so that he can face the deadliest of these computer programs, called "agents" and then proceeds to lead us in a series of increasingly impressive action sequences where his skills are honed and we are generally reminded that the purpose

Today marks the last full day I'll spend as a resident of the city of Roseville. Tomorrow I embark on the great adventure towards which I've striven these past six months: the move to the inner city of Fresno to minister to college students there. While I never expected to live here as long as I did, there are a few things that I've learned to love about this place, even though it represents a great contrast from the place that I'm called to live in for this next season of life. It's important to me not to reject the life I've found here, for I need to be conscious of all God's children, rich or poor. 5. The Variety of Food Roseville is a large suburban center, designed both as a hub for tech business (Hewlett-Packard has a large plant here) and as a center of major shopping outlets. The entire north-central part of the city is outlined in a Specific Plan (to use the urban planning jargon that I was trained in) that guides development around a ma