Echoes and Moments

I remember vividly the first time I spoke in the capacity of a preacher, unmediated by the role of worship leader, MC, or other function that was separated from the platform of public engagement from the "pulpit." In this case, it was a flimsy black music stand, standing near the aisle between unnecessary rows of black chairs set up in a room at Allan Hancock College, where I spent the first two years of my career as a campus minister. It was a warm night in April, free of the fog that normally cloaks coastal Santa Maria like a blanket, or the persistent winds that funnel from the sea into the inland valleys festooned with grapevines and fruit orchards. That year was one of radical reorientation to a new life out of college. I lost the dependable rhythm and purpose of a regimen of courses, for I had recently graduated from Cal Poly a few months before. I also lost the emotional support of a long romantic relationship, and was just feeling the stabbing pain and gut-twistin...

Ordination ceremony, St. Peter's Basilica, Vatican City. I've been on staff with InterVarsity for four years, doing a total of four jobs during this relatively short span of time. I've held part time positions throughout the whole time, and have never had a consistent forty hours of work that has directed my focus to one particular community or even campus. Scattered among the responsibilities are seminars, lessons, camps, conferences, and even planning team meetings that reach into the future of our emerging leaders. I've staffed projects that range from six weeks of intensive urban training, to ten months of urban leadership. Along the way I've met colleagues who have bravely faced campus de-recognition, racism, marching in Ferguson, and signing petitions to catch the attention of the most influential folks in our spheres. All of it is an immense privilege. Here's the thing though. There is a great inconsistency and a growing tension within me because ...

The past two weeks held a flurry of ministry activity. They left me in such a state of exhaustion that I felt it necessary to hike through eight miles of secluded country under the shadow of the lofty Sierra Nevada. I did this to unwind; I did this to refocus. But I also did this to have a frank conversation with God. Specifically, I found myself asking him, "Was all that worth it?" You see, our two weeks of outreach had a twofold goal: one, increase the number of students actively participating in our fellowship, since we've noticed a significant decline in numbers from last semester. Two, we wanted to see students make decisions of faith, both fulfilling our original purpose to pursue mission on campus, as well as to grow our own faith as we stepped outside of our comfort zones to share the good news of Jesus with others. We thought up a wonderfully creative way to engage the campus in conversation. We allowed participants to write down their secrets, those close-ke...

This past week I turned 25. My distance from the joyous days of college can create some dissonance in me, especially given the fractured nature of community, the difficulty of finding new friends post college, and the tension I live in as a resident in a new city. Yet I find it helpful to reflect upon a few things that make simply being alive beautiful and worthwhile. I recently moved to the city of Fresno to pursue new ministry opportunities serving the students at Fresno City College, a large urban commuter campus with a demographic makeup as diverse and beautiful as the city it draws its student population from. The student community I've found is incredibly loving, supportive, and even helped provide transportation when my beloved pickup Guillermo was in the shop for repairs. Additionally, they are for the most part committed to the apostolic vision of InterVarsity, which means we seek God's transformation of students, faculty, and the campus. Although campus ministry...

Sufjan Stevens in 2005. My latest poem was inspired by an album that I listened to as I drove from Fresno to my current home in Roseville. The music? Sufjan Steven's classic album Come on Feel the Illinoise! . Because it came out in 2005 (a pretty dead year for good music), and because of how much I enjoyed this guy's stuff as a teenager, I was surprised by how much the music holds up after such popularization. Kids in my generation know "Chicago" for its movie soundtrack overtones  (click if you don't believe me), or even "Casimir Pulaski Day" for how Stevens uses a religious experience to inform his perspective on a close friend's death. People of all ages should listen to it because it is just good music. I'm still holding onto the dream that he finishes his project to write an album about every state! Only 48 to go! Same guy, with his wife and kids in 3005. This poem's title is my tribute to that great dreamer.  But the p...

Life is interesting now that I'm posted for an indeterminate amount of time in Roseville, a town that I haven't called home in 6 years, in which I had only lived for 3 years before departing for college. I love the chance to dig into the nitty gritty of dependency on God , the good food abounding, and the chance to reconnect with many budding partners in the ministry the Lord is in the process of funding. Yet there are a few things I don't enjoy as much: the heat, the suburban traffic, and the persistent bewilderment I face when talking to many who think I should be doing "better" things with my life. So, because you are my friends and would never wish to dishonor me thus, I'll clue you into a few things that will prevent me from silently shrinking in horror the next time we are in conversation. I present: Three Questions you should never ask an InterVarsity staff worker (at least if you want them to continue liking you). The largest class of new staff e...

A note: Names have been changed to protect the identities of those mentioned in these stories. ~~~ Today marks a particular observance in the Western Church that invites you and I to share the unique grief that the mother of Jesus experienced throughout her life. There are various reflections on scripture, works of art, and prayers that help people through this process, but I find that the stories of the students I meet through my work in campus ministry provide me with an easier understanding of such grief. One story a student shared with me provides an arresting reflection on the powerful narrative that the Gospels provide. I first met Candice early last year in much the same way the newer students in our fellowship would meet her. She approached our outreach table confidently, gave me a look up and down, and said, "Hello, sexy b*tch." My colleague, engaged in conversation with another student, didn't blink despite Candice's forward and completely inapprop...

   I think of myself as a generally tolerant person. Somewhere down the line I cultivated a moderately high sense of empathy that has always left a sensitive spot in me for the judgments, complaints, and offhanded quips that my friends offer every day. Normally this works to my advantage, because most people enjoy the empathetic friend's company far more than the complaining earpiece. This is how it works most days, and I enjoy the moral security this attitude brings towards my fellow man or woman. This is how it works most days, yes, but life as a minister to students at community college means most days are special days. Enter Hannah. Hannah is less than comely, a blush of freckles on cheeks that seem to press her eyes just too close together, but fortunately her overstated fashion sense doesn't diminish the pretty black-red hair that curls and waves as she walks. She is a performing arts major here to take a stab at the ranks of the PCPA, the closest thing to a pre...