Echoes and Moments

Heaven in 2017. As the shards of my consciousness reform after the inevitable energy drain received in the aftermath of an intense five-day urban program (and the final project for my ministry with InterVarsity), the depth of my awareness for the wounds of young people returns. When the reactive depression recedes like a strong tide, and the wind stings my face beside a salty shore, and the connective tissue in my thoughts, emotions, and passions resume their normal furious pull -- there is another, deeper crisis in miniature, the point where my courage falters, a split-second where the absurdity overwhelms and paralyzes. In a talk I gave at the end of Day Three of the program, I described the work of French novelist and philosopher Albert Camus, who evolved from the same colonial European milieu that produced Derrida and dialogued with the great existentialists (whom he never enjoyed being lumped in with). He is famous for giving flesh to the concept of the Absurd, which in br...

I remember vividly the first time I spoke in the capacity of a preacher, unmediated by the role of worship leader, MC, or other function that was separated from the platform of public engagement from the "pulpit." In this case, it was a flimsy black music stand, standing near the aisle between unnecessary rows of black chairs set up in a room at Allan Hancock College, where I spent the first two years of my career as a campus minister. It was a warm night in April, free of the fog that normally cloaks coastal Santa Maria like a blanket, or the persistent winds that funnel from the sea into the inland valleys festooned with grapevines and fruit orchards. That year was one of radical reorientation to a new life out of college. I lost the dependable rhythm and purpose of a regimen of courses, for I had recently graduated from Cal Poly a few months before. I also lost the emotional support of a long romantic relationship, and was just feeling the stabbing pain and gut-twistin...

Vigil for Orlando shooting, June 13, 2016. It has been difficult to add words to what has already been said about the last few weeks. Surely, the silence of the Christian community regarding the tragedy in Orlando a few weeks ago has been painful for many of my LGBTQ friends. Each time gun violence claims another brother or sister of mine I, too, break down and retreat into the catatonia of survivor's guilt. Orlando's gay community is still shell shocked by this event, but the ripples will extend outward for many more, much longer into our shared consciousness. The thing is, my response didn't surprise me. I shut down and retreated because I had seen this before and, as the actions of our legislature show me, I have no reason to believe that this won't happen again. Sure, satirical periodicals may post their repeats of the same story over and again, but it does little now to assuage the pain that seeps from the open wounds of our nation's psyche. Is this cy...

We go through phases in terms of the stories that really captivate us, that connect to our humanity, connect us to each other, and to our deepest selves. Growing up as a kid in the Nineties, I remember a slough of disaster movies. Comets, asteroids, volcanoes, and other things threatened to end all life as we know it. We counted on people smarter than us, the scientists, engineers, and astronauts, to save us (unless you're Michael Bay, who will tell you that it's easier to train oil rig workers to fly into space than it is to teach actual trained astronauts how to use a drill). Later, in the early Aughts, it was fantasy that took over. The post-9/11 era taught us to depend on clear lines of morality, of good versus evil, and epic quests and heroic virtue that will rid the world of the darkness. That decade ended and ushered us into an era still in its heyday: that of the Superhero. Although Marvel and DC have different textures and color palettes, they both tell the sam...

Fresno's Fulton Mall, at the heart of its downtown core's revitalization efforts This upcoming year I'll be stepping into a new role in ministry I've been preparing for for several months. I'll be the Assistant Director of FIFUL's Pink House , an intentional  community that prepares young men and women to empower their communities in urban ministry, engaging the inner city through the lens of leadership development. My only experience in inner city ministry thus far has been through the Fresno Urban Internship, better known in shorthand as FUI , a six-week intensive inner city immersion where community, service, and leadership development combine in a unique and powerful way. As I write this, I reflect on the last six weeks, which I spent as a staff for the project in the heart of Fresno, a city of half a million with some of the nation's highest concentrations of poverty. There are some distinctions between the two programs. FUI is six weeks during ...

Composed on Good Friday, 2014. It's dark, so dark and My eyes grow heavy, lidded Like iron from shackles and fetters Those that you break to make men whole. Multiplying loaves, you asked us if we understood you and we stared ahead into the depth of the unknown And seeing, we did not perceive. Now tonight you ask of us Just to watch with you a little longer To utter prayers to the Father you call and we seem to have forgotten. Hark! They come in the night With clubs and chains to bind you Though we know you have power over wind and waves, not so now. No, a simple kiss, planted on lips That open the eyes of the blind, That speak to cast out demons, Now mute to the hatred of men. My sword I reach, and I see Your stare disarms me, the weapon Is of no use here, you must face The blows of hard hearts without it. Alone you go, for we turn Away and watch their arms wrap you up Forsaking years of following your lead And weeping nakedly, we run.

The past two weeks held a flurry of ministry activity. They left me in such a state of exhaustion that I felt it necessary to hike through eight miles of secluded country under the shadow of the lofty Sierra Nevada. I did this to unwind; I did this to refocus. But I also did this to have a frank conversation with God. Specifically, I found myself asking him, "Was all that worth it?" You see, our two weeks of outreach had a twofold goal: one, increase the number of students actively participating in our fellowship, since we've noticed a significant decline in numbers from last semester. Two, we wanted to see students make decisions of faith, both fulfilling our original purpose to pursue mission on campus, as well as to grow our own faith as we stepped outside of our comfort zones to share the good news of Jesus with others. We thought up a wonderfully creative way to engage the campus in conversation. We allowed participants to write down their secrets, those close-ke...

Good art shows, it doesn't tell. Therefore 'Worship Arts' may appear paradoxical at first glance, though it increasingly forms the job description for many new pastoral church staff. For a few years the title 'Worship Coordinator' formed my ministry identity as a member of youth group and later in college. So you may understand my ambivalence when I attempt to explain my practical theology of worship, which has more to do with David crying in a cave than it does with light shows, good guitar tone, and reverb-washed vocals. Let me explain. For many years the contemporary church has been embroiled in something asininely referred to as the "worship wars." Relevant Magazine has a helpful summary of the phenomena for the post-evangelical age, which I won't treat in depth here. See, I led worship for two years in a multiethnic fellowship of college students committed to seeing Jesus transform the lives of students and faculty in a profound and rea...

Ok, so I was going to write my weekly blog contribution around the topic of the recent anniversaries of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki . This occasion is an important one to reflect on our attitude of retribution, justice, and violence. Most especially, to hold us accountable for our attitude of "the means justify the ends." Yet the pastor of my parent's church gave a great word today about our attitude towards women and the effect it has on our Christian discipleship. As adherents to the kingdom of God, we believe in a reality of freedom bound in love (not simply unhindered liberty) in the gaze of our Creator God. In sharing his perfect, Triune love, we are compelled to live with each other perfectly, harmoniously, and peacefully. In short, our shared vision turns towards shalom . Still, we are wise to recognize the siren call of our culture that seduces us to return to the old slavery to our flesh (as Paul calls it), or our gridlocked mode of being that is sel...

Yesterday was my Mom's birthday, and so I think it's appropriate to reflect on motherhood and its spiritual implications. People often note how beautiful, winsome, and charming my own mother is, and I'll go ahead and allow my ego to claim that I inherit some of that. Whether or not that is actually true, I am so proud of her for all her support, strength, and courage providing care for young people beyond my brother and myself. Her career in medical care, her upbringing in an international, multicultural context, and marriage to my Dad all speak to her unique ability to spread her love wide. To those that get to see her at all hours of the day, we know that she rarely withholds her own opinions or feelings. Indeed, she seems to feel strongly about most things; indifference is something that doesn't come naturally to her, and is probably why I have such a hard time holding my own tongue. Rather than interacting with our ethnicity through  machismo, she has infused ...

In the world of Urban ministry, we take our cues from the legacy of John Perkins and the Christian Community Development ( CCDA ) movement, spearheaded in the 1960s and brought to the urban centers of North America for decades of turning urban blight into blessing. Some common lingo we use are the "Three R's" of community development: Relocation, Redistribution, and Reconciliation. This last concept is one that warrants quite a bit of discussion, since it takes on an obviously spiritual dimension apart from the others, whose criteria can be discussed in the latest socio-political and economic terms. Reconciliation is the third leg of this essential recipe for long-term sustainable transformation in a community, and is surely needed as we still reel in the aftermath of racist incidents in our so-called "post-racial" society. While this myth shatters, it is important for me to look for the sources that lead to the conditions that affect many dimensions of ou...